Continuing the pun and being totally politically incorrect, Russian imperialist way, it would be nice to buy out Cyprus completely with all its debts and trimmings at a discount price and convert it to 84th region of Russia. It’s dirt-cheap now and very well worth the investment — why not to try?
On top of that, we could potentially negotiate sale of Turkey’s holdings — 38% (wanna Syria, guys?), and minority stake from Britain — 2% (should be a no-brainer), owning the entire island. Sounds really compelling.
Deoffshorization, you say. Sure thing. This buyout would solve this too, without any hassle, by simply reverting the dirty authoritarian Russian money (which Europe is so obsessed now to expropriate for the benefit of saving its own arse) to there it belongs, The Mother Russia.
Also, it would allow to relocate the Black See Fleet to the sunny coast of Mediterranean sea from Sevastopol, without paying a single rouble more to those greedy gas-price-rise-reluctant Ukranians. Keep it simple, stupid.
No downsides, just mezze and sunshine.